I deserve better than this....

I'm tired of saying it. I know I do but, it seems like you tend to forget you aren't dealing with a basic bitch. I maybe complicated, twisted, crazy and 10 levels of fucked up but, you knew from the jump I didn't expect to be treated like the last smut. I maybe in my feelings all the time but, I am a woman regardless of what you want to realize. It might just be easier to walk away and keep my family. I know my dad knows which is why he won't speak to me. I ignore most of the hate that keeps coming my way because of this situation. At some point my mind has to break and I have to walk away. Cause lets face it. You aren't man enough to acknowledge the facts.

Stuck...

I can't stand a man that is incapable of being faithful. Doing dirt may just be a part of life now, but I can't deal with it. I'm not the type of person who can throw away someones feelings for a temporary fix of my issues. I'm the type of person who will fight fuss and sleep everything away not cheat. People always ask me why I always run away from any type of relationship that I'm faced with. This is why... No one male or female know what the fuck loyalty and honesty is anymore. Let me come to any man in the game right now with some honesty and treat him right and it's not going to fly. It's stupid. I shouldn't be considered one of a kind based of the fact im loyal and honest. I'm never going to cheat. I've had it happen to me too many times to just run around fucking anyone who pays attention. And lets face it.... I get enough attention that I would be a trained whore if I did. Even if I only fucked with men who had something to offer other than a headache I would still be one wrecked bitch. I maybe difficult most of the time but it's only because I don't trust anyone that looks my way. Don't get it twisted I can catch feelings but look what happens every time. It's easier to just run around and put it down with no feelings involved because at the end of a 5 year long train wreck of a relationship and 2 fucked up relationships before that. Not to mention every fucked up situation that I've managed to get myself into since I walked away from someone I could have actually made it work with. My heart is spent. I'm worn the fuck out. Come to me talking about having their kid has happened more than once but only by men who aren't capable of providing. It takes more than sperm to be a daddy. Any man can give me some sperm and a headache very few can show me they're capable of providing for a family. I don't want a bunch of baby daddies. I want one man to be the father of all my kids and if I fuck it up I'm only going to do it once. I don't need one in the first god damn place. Fucking with these men that do nothing but cause drama in my  life. SMH. Jealous bitches that don't understand the entire situation.

All played out

Love is a twisted fucked up emotion. People seem to forget where their loyalty should lay. Lets face it that new one you chilling with won't have your back have as much as the one waiting at home. Doing dirt is the new thing to do but the ride or die isn't going to take it forever. Women treat good men like dirt and that worthless one like a god. Men trip over tryin to get numbers up instead of realizing they got a real woman at home. Why can't people just manage to be happy with what they have? That next thing is probably garbage. I know this for a fact. I've fucked up but never had to do dirt to fuck everything up. All I had to do was let a man walk all over me and treat me like shit tryin to get me down. I was and that damage was done. Its taken a year to get back to the point where I can hold me head up just to look a man in the face who's trying to do the same thing the last one did. Only thing is I know he's better than that.  I guess we will see if evil prevails.