Testing...

I'm tired of this typical shit. Too busy texting other people to realize what's sitting behind you. I think I would rather just stay at home then constantly keep goin thru this shit. I've tried and right now I'm close to spent. I think its time some shit changed. I'm done with the one sided bull. Make it even or walk away. What is with these men thinking they get everything and don't have to give anything back? Are there any good men left out there. A real man that's good without the front.

Typical morning...

Or is it??? Hes still asleep and has been all night. I'm sitting here trying to analyze this night. I'm not sure if he wanted me to stay, but i decided to anyway. This morning everyone is gone.  I guess at work. I'm sitting on the couch and he's upstairs asleep. I known I'm becoming too attached. Its becoming impossible to walk away. I know whatn he's capable of and I know I most likely deserve better, but I remain content in this situation. I can't tell him what I want to and I keep thinking I'm not good enough for him. Most of this situation is out of my hands but I like not having control of everything. A lot more people know about our situation than I thought so I just keep my mouth shut. This is not what this was supposed to be and sometimes I wish he would just be open with me. Sometimes I think he's lying to cover up the truth, but I keep trusting him regardless of the doubt I have in certain situations. I get on here and type to my hearts content because its easier than being tossed asside. He tells me over and over I should have walked away when I found out about his breakup but by the time I found out how serious it was I was in too deep. Now I'm too the point that I'm afraid of losing him. He managed to become such a large part of my life and I'm not sure how it happened. I'm giving him a chance and this maybe his last. He pushed that limit and I think he knows he did. I can take a lot but I'm not going back to where I was before. People see the negative in him but I see much more. I don't want to be wrong and I hope at least one good thing does come out of this. Its been over a month of constantly still dealing with him and only him. I let him do what he wants and needs to see that I'm not abusing his trust. Though he flips out over the dumbest shit and fails to see who and what I really am. I don't think he's dumb enough to believe the shit I think its just his emotions getting the best of him.

Less than impressed

Its been a long time since I've been this calm and I've never been this open with anyone but instead of seeing shit clearly you let it all become a haze you see shit incorrect you don't own me and i dont own you shit would be so much simpler if everyone understood the idea of being faithful but that shit doesn't exsist anymore people are so concerned with using other people instead of working to get ahead hearts break in the balance I don't want to get hurt anymore and we both know that...

Too close

I'm way too close to loving this man I don't understand how he's doing this to me i don't know if i want to understand all I know is despite the fact he stays stressed and takes some of it out on me we mesh well together our one on one time is perfect and these feelings are intense with or without the sex I just hope I'm his only right now cause he occupies most of my time and will power right now and I dont want that to change any time soon I just want him and i just want something beautiful to come out of this

damn...

this shit is harder than what it should be we fight and argue over nothing because of whatever it is going on in your life i worry and flip over shit i have no control over the threats and yelling is becoming defining im trying and you dont see it all i want is for you to stay and be strong i know this shit doesnt make any sense and for me it takes me to another level idk what it is that im supposed to do but i know right now im losing it