I'm so done

i think im done trying to protect myself you cant live life trying to push everyone away from you which is what i've been doing for years i have a big heart but only one person has gotten to see it and even tho he did walk away from the situation and broke me im pretty sure im willing to go thru it again i want to be in love i want to give myself completely to him but he wont let any of it happen i dont get what he wanted and i most likely never will because he isnt open with me at all and yes it does break my heart that i never did anything ill to him and he reacted the way that he did and its worse hes willing to throw away a connection like that over rumors thats his choice and one day down the road he will realize what happened what he did and stop blaming me for every fucking problem that happened when all i did was hold him down and support him emotionally i was honest about what was happening with me but he wasnt honest with me but he thinks im the liar at the end of the night i havent seen him in a week at all last time this happened i saw him everywhere i saw a moving truck with a car that looked like his pulling out of his road part of me thinks he just completely left more of me thinks hes just really good at hiding so i'll keep doing what i have been doing and if our lives cross again i guess then i'll know he's okay until that happens i'll keep thinking he's still falling apart i just hope he stops doing all the stupid shit he was doing gets his life together and learns how to be happy