Anticipation

i've never lied to you but that one time im sorry my so called friends keep bugging you but in return of whatever the hell is going on in your head hurting me is not the answer no i dont really know what was said but i do know that i havent lied to you and i havent done anything to hurt you so maybe you really should have talked to me first show up in the middle of the night to see if im really alone dont call before you come over do whatever it is that you have to so that you believe me i trust you even if you've done more to compromise that than what i have in the past you're killing me right now and you know you are all you have to do is open your mouth and tell me what you really think and what you really feel i cant read your damned mind no matter how hard i try how am i supposed to know there are feelings involved when i tell you im in love with you and you tell me thats not what you wanted you know thats not what i wanted either but you still continue to exploit the fact that i do have feelings for you or at least thats how i was taking it but now i know its something a lot different tell me again it isnt about me when you proved that it was about me today im not a liar i dont cheat and i dont do anything to hurt you im tired of hurting and all i feel right now is a lot of pain im not used to having any type of feeling at the end of the day but with you thats all i really have is a lot of feelings for you and about you... you say you're going to call later but i dont think you will bc you always seem to tell me later and just let it go i want to know what im lying to you about i want you to be open and honest with me no matter what's going on you know i care more about you than i do about myself but you keep this going and hold on to it just as much as i do you ask questions bc you want me to say it to your face but i cant i need to breath but everyone says i need to walk away bc im getting too hurt from this situation when the truth is this is the first time i dont want to run i want to fight argue and whatever else it takes to make you realize that you're an amazing person that deserves the best and even tho that may mean you dont need me i still want you to have everything you want and need and i want you to be happy but im not going to let you think that im a liar when im not i may lie to a lot of people but you're not one of them i may hide a lot of shit from a lot of people but i dont from you i love you and i hate that i love you but i'll sit and i'll wait for you to call or for you to realize and in the mean time i'll continue to rip myself apart