The moment lasted a year. My temporary laps in judgment is getting to me now. I'm feeling one man but still in love with another. I want to be this new mans everything but it's getting intense too fast. I'm scared I'm not enough for him tho he is giving me what you never did. I think the pain that should have hit me months ago is hitting hard today. I don't know what to do with my feelings right now. This is way more than I ever thought it would be. I don't understand how you managed to do the damage that you did. I'm angry on another kind of level. I'm trying not to cry and break, but I'm not sure that's a possibility right now. I want to cry and I need to feel. This man has me twisted because I never thought it was going to happen so fast. I hear a song and it spins me back to hurting over what you did. I was never just fucking you and you knew it. I can't just fuck anyone. This man knows that and I came at him right. He tells me over and over that I'm crazy and he's weird. I'm not crazy just lost right now. I don't know how to take these actions. You do and say things that get me fucked up to make me go back to you, but I don't want to. I hate you for what you did. I guess everyone has to experience the bull shit but I wish I never did. Sometimes I miss it but only when I feel lonely. I miss waking up and knowing that someone is there. I thought you cared, but I realize now you never did. I realize I was mistaken I didn't love you I just needed someone to make me see that I was going to be okay in the end. I'm okay and I know you care and you see that I'm going through the motions with someone else. I care about him and know that this is going to be more than I bargained for in the end. I've become a lot stronger since I left Bobby and most of that was because of you. Thank you for saving me. I think it's time to let go now tho. This man is sweet and gentle. I would hate to see his other side tho. I know he feels something and I know I feel more than I probably should. There are a lot of warning signs but I don't want to run away from him. I'm not pushing him away I'm just going with whatever comes. He makes me feel like I haven't in such a very long time. He calms me down and makes me want to do better. I know he's been hurt but, so have I. His wounds are a little more fresh than mine but I don't think you're meant to ever go back to who you used to be when you are with someone for so long. I guess we're going to see where this one leads me.
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