Leasing action

It's so much easier to run then it is to stand and admit and open up to someone regardless of what really is going on. Everything always seems like a damn game. I guess none of this is a game but there's still that possibility in the back of my head that this all is some sick fucked up kinda shit. What happens when that's all this is? All this stress in my life seems to disappear when I'm here with him. There is a certain level of calm that comes with him. All this time of me flipping out and going off and one person makes me sit down and shut up. I may not really want to or  get mad at the time being that this type of control is had by someone who really shouldn't have it. At this point I cant take any of it back and this is all completely out of my hands and I think for now I'll take it. The one thing I'm tired of is hearing all the bull shit excuses. I don't want to hear any of the lies anymore. Everyone my entire life has done nothing but lie to me about stupid shit. I would rather just be told the truth. I maybe sensitive but I'm still stronger than what most people seem to think. If I wasn't I don't think I would have ever made it through my past the way that I have. Underestimating someone is one of the worst things that you could ever do. I swear I need to start charging people rent for my head space. I've always been that one to come to the rescue and to try and save the world. No matter what ever seems to go wrong I'm there to try and save everything. I think I'm burnt out from this part of my life. Now I'm to a point where I'm just going to sit back and watch everything fall apart and not try to catch anyone. It's bull shit that I'm the baby in my family and everyone seems to count on me to save everything. Then everyone around me tries to figure out why I'm losing it. I can't fix everything...